Thursday, March 19, 2009

Heavy Duty Masonry

This is something I reworked from last year, and applied to now. It wasn't right when I first did it, and I knew that at the time, so I put it away for another day. That day is today. (or more accurately, three days ago when I restarted it) The words that are used in this piece are taken from a poem I wrote quite some time ago...
"Because I'm an expert at masonry too, I built my wall as big as you."


I was also thinking about the quote,"Things fall apart, the center cannot hold; anarchy is loosed upon the world."(from William Butler Yeats, and the poem is The Second Coming, 1921) In these ruminations, I am beginning to realize just how dangerous 'love' can be, how it can create terrible things in people, as well as wonderful ones. I believe now that it's about how our hearts are handled in each situation. Love can hurt, but I still have to ask, can it really be called 'love' then?

I don't know the answer to this one yet. I am in the process of going through training that is based around all aspects of abusive relationships, and it really is an eye-opener for me. Today we heard from those (men) that do the abusing. It is heartening to see grown people still actively learning, still working on themselves. I always want to be one of those people...a tryer.

And even though this piece is rather 'walled up', it's just a reminder for me. This does not mean that I have closed myself or my attitude off from love. It's quite the opposite, in fact. I feel more free and more beautiful and more real than I ever have before, and this will ultimately help me to love others better, in turn.

I have always received my blessings under heavy disguise. I still take 'em though, without even knowing. To an extent, I feel that I have been pushed and held down too much by people/situations/myself. Which is okay, as long as I can get back up. I always want to be someone whom gets back up. Because if that's really the case, in small ways, I will always win.

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