You could have waited for me,
but you didn't.
So I'm going to all the places I thought you would
What happened in the past year:
1) My dad died on this date last year and I planned the whole funeral by myself in like, three days, while also teaching several courses online.
2) The next month: a mentor died suddenly
3) The next month: got dropped/ghosted by the dude I was seeing (for the first, not only time)
4) The next month: my cat, Tommy Scrapples died and I had to watch him suffer for a month beforehand
5) Got taken to zoom court and cross examined by my murderer brother over my dad's estate. Verbally fought back because apparently, people still don't understand their own laws on victimhood and domestic violence in Wisconsin....but okay
6) My brother then sent insane letters for several months to the court until the appeal was settled (they are now of record) --on my being an imposter who murdered the real Shana. (Shanna with two n's!)
What also changed, positively:
1) I got a treadmill and have managed to walk almost every day, my hip hurts wayway less now, and I am more flexible, again
2) I lost 13 pounds in about 2 months
3) I just started walking in the woods around Baltimore, because I realized how much I missed it when I went home to Wisconsin. Serenity Now. #calltoadventure
4) I am able to start traveling this summer!!!
5) I paid off all of my dad's debt today, on the first anniversary of his death. I was truly so panicked about running his estate, but I did really well! All that's left is to sell the house...
6) I quit one of three jobs!
7) I finally have a few ideas for new art series' AND a new studio!
8) One of these ideas may or may not be dramatic readings of my brother's insane letters to the court, of which I have copies ;)
9) I have a podcast in the initial works...
10) I now have a tenant on my first floor, in Druscilla's studios, right next to mine. I have a few more things to paint, and then will be renting the other studio, across the hall in a bit...
Y'all. Shoot. This has been a MONUMENTAL YEAR for me, in terms of emotions and psyche. But I came out unscathed, and I think, ON TOP.
There are only brief moments in time where my art is actually SEEN, and so when a show ends, I always have a bit of sadness. But at least they got some extra time to shine!
Here are some images from (the opening of) the show that just closed, "How We Are Healing"...
A non-valentine Valentine from mom on May 31, 1989, I was 13. This was written within the last year of her life; she died in November '89.
It has been saved by me -- in pristine condition -- for all these years. Such a good mom. I don't believe I was so disappointed at the time, but she sure was, on my behalf.
This kind of love is still a mystery to me (a mother's love), or maybe all of it is... not necessarily the emotions, but the definition, the types, how to express each of them, and how to see them each in others. We should have more words for "love", because it really encompasses so many ways of being, and so many gestures, and so many different 'feels'. One word in a language is not nearly enough to express it all adequately.
I thought I would drop some work I finished in the past month. A few diptychs belonging to the Doom Days series...
And here, I have an "evolution of" series of shots, culminating in the final diptych...
I finished this series, Already Not Here, sometime last week.
I envision this as being presented in a grid formation, but I will have to explore it once the first three pieces are back to me from the exhibition, in late February.
This piece uses salt in the background, "to blind the devil"...and it refers to the layers of trauma experienced. 3 layers, for the 3 lines found in a haiku.
A recording of the Guided Pathways event at HCC, where I speak about my art in the Doom Days series, and the words....always the words, is below (about 50 minutes).
You can still view this online exhibition here: https://horowitzartonline.cargo.site/Shana-R-Goetsch-Doom-Days
Last week I was so pleased to speak about my series, Doom Days, with students and faculty at Howard Community College! I was asked to speak to both the paintings, and the artist statement/poem.
This was my first ever published art piece. It's an advertisement from my dad's political campaign, way back in the day...
While still timely advice, I bring this up because my dad will be honored tomorrow at the Wisconsin State Capitol! His sister and a few of my cousins will be there in my stead to witness this honor in person. I am very pleased that he will officially be remembered for his many years of community service. It's now on record.
"Rep. Born, State Representative of the 39th Assembly District, has authored an Assembly resolution to recognize and honor your father, commemorate his life and commitment to public service."
side note: I was trying out artist names so it's signed as "Shanalyn"
The loss of my handsome orangey boy, Tommy Scrapples, has been immense. I can feel the lack, the open space where there shouldn't be, the absence of his large presence...it's much too quiet in here. It's much too loud in some ways too; the quiet being almost deafening. This death was sudden, and fairly traumatizing to witness, let alone (I'm sure) endure. It's maybe, finally, really broken me. I might be dissociating. The circumstances truly did him wrong; it was total and complete bullshit. It was not right. He was robbed, and so was I.
Twice, I made this piece, because the first time... it was not right.
It's enough, for now, but it feels like not enough.
Shock of the New
All Hail The Traveler.
In the meantime...my cat died suddenly...and I may have decided that the title (above) is the new series title, since I just keep racking up more losses....or at least more than the three. I finished this piece yesterday. It's a collograph plate (technically), inked and wiped.
Hold Me While I'm Smiling
...the concept of the “third death” in which, sometime in the future after our passing, our names are spoken for the last time...
mixed media / collograph plate, inked and wiped