Applications, Infinity

I have been trying my darndest for the past (over a) year to secure a full time job in this world. As a result, I have been in WAY fewer exhibitions this year...I think because I applied to way less calls. I do feel like I've been slouching, but in reality, I just have application/portfolio-making burnout.

I have yet to get a full time job, or many interviews, quite frankly. So I don't yet know if it was worth the sacrifices that were being made. I am also feeling a lull in my 'making'. Usually the death knell for artists...I find that I need to be really solid on my thoughts and inside stuff to get something decent out on paper. Otherwise I'm just keeping time, mindlessly painting. More painting doesn't give me more ideas...more thinking and more mental stress/emotion do.

I don't know what that says about me as an artist, but I'm hoping for a breakthrough. I am feeling the tension of not creating so I'm sure it'll break soon. In the meantime, I'll go to my part-time jobs and start applying for shows for next year again...applications, infinity.