Happenings

A ton of stuff has been happening lately. First off, the gallery that I had my work in over the summer and fall is now out of business so I had to pick up all of my work today. That's eleven more paintings I have to try and stuff somewhere in this already stuffed apartment.
I am hardcore looking at grad school. I may just be able to swing to February 15th deadline, it all depends on my recommendation letters, and if they feel they can get them done in the next month. Otherwise I wait another two years. I suppose it could be worse, but still. I also decided that I will be taking some business and economics classes (not for credit). But I feel that if I ever want to run a non-profit art center (which I think I will at some point) I need to have some basics in that department.
I'm again looking for another job, as my seasonal position is over now (and a week before I had expected it to be).
I am teaching myself photoshop, and screen printing in the very near future. I have all of my materials, but I have to build the screen thingy first.
I may be volunteering again soon....I received another call-back a minute ago.
Let's see, I pick up my work from another show that is finished on the 7th. And then I will try to apply/get into more shows for this next year. I'm starting to get artsy up in here again...watch out world.

I am just hoping to GOD that next year will be better than the last. This year almost killed me....multiple times and in multiple ways. So I only have to get through the rest of the day, and I'm home free. Wooooooooooooooo!
(enthusiasm, it's all I need to have, apparently. *wink*)

Slaying My Dragon

Q: 'How do you slay the dragon?'


A: 'Follow your bliss.'




-Taken from a dialogue between Bill Moyers and Joseph Campbell.

Under the Sun

"When a person places the proper value on freedom, there is nothing under the sun that he will not do to acquire that freedom. Whenever you hear a person saying he wants freedom, but in the next breath he is going to tell you what he won't do to get it, or what he doesn't believe in doing in order to get it, he doesn't believe in freedom. A person who believes in freedom will do anything under the sun to acquire...or preserve his freedom."

Malcolm X


another one I'm gonna remember in the next few weeks...

#7

No longer mine. Some days I really miss them, wonder if they're well, being looked at/after...

Further Thoughts On That...

I've realized that in general, I have lived my life based on my fears. I have often times avoided things/people/situations because of my fear. But as I grow older, I become less afraid of the things I once was.

The difference is that I now feel I have nothing to lose in trying. In a way, I feel that I have already lost most of the things I could stand to lose by taking that chance. So I figure, why not go for it. But I think that in the last few years or so, I have finally found that underground well of stored courage that has made me want to go beyond that of mere chance. As in, I want to do the things I was once fearful of.

Now I want to face my fears head on. Every single last one of them. I want to find them, look them in the eyes, and challenge them. I want to take back what they took from me for years. I want it back, and I'll get it. That's. It.

I Need To Remember

"My deepest emotional wound has also been the source of inexhaustible blessings."


(Free Will Astrology)

Art Interview With Me

I am currently a featured artist on the Arts and Ideas myspace page.

check out a few examples of my work here.

and a link to the blog interview (YAY!) is here.


ETA: I am posting the whole interview below, as well.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Shana R. Goetsch interview Featured artist Shana R. Goetsch Was there a defining moment you knew you had to create art? One moment? No. But I have had many moments where I thought that I would pursue at the very least, something creative. Ultimately the choice for school was made between a writing degree and a fine art degree. I chose art over writing because I knew that it was something that I could not live without. I knew that my life would be worse if I did not have art as a constant. I also feel that communication was a huge part of either choice I would have made. I had a voice and I wanted it heard. I had an experience and I wanted it shared. Pretty basic, 'communication'. Yet I saw it as a major form of empowerment for me, in either case. It was something that was so vital to who I was and who I wanted to be, and so I felt there was no other viable option for me. Do you listen to music when you create? If so, what? Habitually. Parts of songs often end up as background text or a key phrase in the piece I'm working on at the time. In general though, I have an enormous love affair with words, so what I listen to while I work influences me quite heavily. But I do choose accordingly, and I have had some favorites: Neko Case, Aimee Mann, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, Iron and Wine, lately Damien Rice... After people see your work, what would you love for them to walk away with? I would just like the viewer to have had an experience, and I would like to have communicated to them something about mine. I suppose that I ultimately want people to FEEL. We have all heard of "writers block". Do you feel as an artist, you sometimes get "artist block". If so, what do you do to alleviate it, if anything? Oh yes, I am going through a period of it right now. It's not necessarily a 'block' in the traditional sense though. In my work, I mainly deal with very intense subject matter, things that are psychologically dark, sometimes disturbing to me, and ultimately very emotionally draining. So I really need a way to relax and gather myself more than anything. In those times, I generally paint 'circles', and I have for years. I find it to be an extremely meditative and thoughtless/thoughtful process for me. I get a break. As to why I paint the circles...there is a very core and fundamental feeling I get from a circle, like it's the shape that makes the most sense to me in the universe. So in answer to your question, in order to paint again, I paint...again. And if that isn't a cyclical thought, I don't know what is. What is the most frustrating thing about being an artist? Not communicating my ideas as succinctly and thoroughly as I'd like. To be fair though, that is a frustration that can be applied to many aspects of my life. What is the best thing about being an artist? I think that any time you express yourself, it's the best feeling in the world. It's real, tangible, evidence of what is inside you, and you've just made it visible and accessible to every one else...it's liberating. Being able to share myself and spill my insides, is absolutely the best part of being an artist. It's fundamentally why I do what I do.

Stars Screaming

Just a little note before I forget....I was thinking about loss, and the recent loss of my cat. And how his entombment box is located on top of a book that I hollowed out. I chose the book from the 10 cent bargain bin a few summers ago because of the title, 'Stars Screaming'.
I've got to say, I think that that is one of the most excellent book titles I've ever encountered, in terms of how much it made me THINK. Two words, and they made me think so hard and so often.
Those words are making me think again, and for the next piece, whatever I do, it will have some semblance of those words in them.

The words themselves are just so simple, and they could seem to not even make sense alone, and with no discernible context, but if you put them together... and if you ask yourself further questions about the words and what they might mean, you begin to build a story or a narrative. So I have been thinking over the past few months, what those words would mean to me, and in what context I would place them.

I wondered, what could possibly be so bad that the stars would scream? And who are they screaming for? What would make the stars in the sky have such extreme emotion; outrage and anger perhaps....or even desperation? What or whom could do that? The answer I came up with, is that the stars are screaming for their loss. The universe/heavens/sky has lost something fundamental and detrimental to the core of its being.

And here's where it comes back to me....and what I have lost, and what I feel is fundamentally gone from me and how it makes me feel. So I further thought about the process of loss, and I came upon 'helplessness'. The very act of stars screaming, is most distinctly a response to their own helpless outrage. So it's an impotency of emotion that the stars now have (I'm taking you through my thought process, in case you didn't get it by now) which is why they scream.....they scream out of outrage for a situation...Or they scream in outrage for someone else...

The stars scream when the victim has no voice, they scream for the voiceless. The stars scream when no one else can.

That thought, although a bit intimidating in its massiveness, is very comforting. Like the universe will take care of its own....that sorta thing.....*wanders out*

Arteries

Here are the circles, front and back... 'Artery Front 1-3' interspersed with 'Artery Back 1-3'.






















(All images copyright Shana R. Goetsch)

Front and Back

Often times when I paint circles on paper, I feel that the back of the piece is more visually interesting to me. They are a lot more 'contemporary' I suppose, and they have an entirely different feel from the front. It's an interesting thing going on. I've toyed with the idea of making pieces that are for windows/see-through, but I haven't quite combated the fading problem that would occur. But indeed, the circles are interesting when you look through them. Maybe even more so. Too bad pigments fade, that's all I can say. But I finished three new circles and the backs are very nice indeed, in a sparse and empty way. They are drying right now, so the photos will be up tomorrow. I might scan the backs too.

Dead

Have you ever had to consider someone dead because they just mysteriously left your life so abruptly and thoroughly and yet, with such unfinished business? That's where I am right now...again. Someone is 'dead' and I have to think it out that way, or else I will go insane with the trying. What am I left to do other than that though? It's like the trying that I'm so known for, is turning against me! What the heck is that!?! I thought I had my defense mechanisms firmly within my grasp, but no. I can feel myself spiraling out of control in a very controlled way...it's like a mania, for christ's sake!
Anyway, it should probably make for some good art in a few weeks once I process it.
But right now I feel like I am in the pits of hell and being punished again for loving so hard and I'm mourning. Actual mourning is going on because I have no other way to process the event.
It feels the same as a death though, so why should I not? I have no other resources with which to deal. Absolutely no understanding of things. And so, here I stand in mourning...buncha crap.

Nothing Much

I have nothing much to say about art, for right now. I disturbed myself, you see...me and my painting ways. But I know that it will all come back....my brain is just empty...or way too full that it's gone totally crazy on me in a real quiet way. Ah ha! It's the calm before the storm. That's what it is. Perhaps even the eye of the hurricane would be more apt; everything has gone eerily still for me, creatively.
And that's where I'm at, yo.
So. I'll be making holiday gifts for the next few weeks!!! YAY! Nothing takes my mind off of things like some pointless busywork. Although most times I loath the very idea of it, this is not one of those times. If I weren't making prezzies, I'd surely be rocking the circles once again. I still might knock off a few tonight...

Deer Hart (Dear Heart) - "Warm"

I don't have a ton to say about this one...I think that if you can read it, it is pretty self-explanatory. I was thinking about the warmth of words, versus the warmth of 'the body', and let's just leave it at that. But if you need further clarification, the answer lies in the lyrics for Neko Case's song Favorite.
Thank you and goodnight.

Broads Who Happen to Influence Me (D. Garzelloni)

She and I have been speaking on myspace for almost a year now, I think maybe even longer. I tend to discuss a lot of my artistic endeavors with her, and she's always, oddly, topically, current to me and my life situations. Case in point, I was IMing her about the deer-charging incident and she got a text message from a phone she picked up by accident...about someone killing a deer. That's weird timing yo, and it seems to be the overall trend.

I also look to her for the names of all things spiritual and cool, since she's more well-read on the subjects that I seem to be interested in...much more than I am....'Godhead. What's that?', says me. Well, she knows.

So I asked her to make this for me, and I think it's super cool. She's recently been doing some computer manipulations to very great effect, in my opinion. The neat thing, is that she was willing to experiment in a medium that she was not originally comfortable with.

Anyway, here's me, 'Animus'




More of D. Garzelloni's work can be found here.

Um...

The next piece, it's rather gory...I'm noticing a distinct shift in things right now, perhaps it's my mentality? Anyway, I feel the series is now headed the unconsciously gory route. So I think that for now, it's best to stop right here and take a breather. Just a breather. Maybe I'll paint some circles for a bit.
Okay, yeah....but this recent piece, 'Warm' should be up soon, as I am spraying it this evening.

*relaxes into some comfortable nothing*