Happenings

A ton of stuff has been happening lately. First off, the gallery that I had my work in over the summer and fall is now out of business so I had to pick up all of my work today. That's eleven more paintings I have to try and stuff somewhere in this already stuffed apartment.
I am hardcore looking at grad school. I may just be able to swing to February 15th deadline, it all depends on my recommendation letters, and if they feel they can get them done in the next month. Otherwise I wait another two years. I suppose it could be worse, but still. I also decided that I will be taking some business and economics classes (not for credit). But I feel that if I ever want to run a non-profit art center (which I think I will at some point) I need to have some basics in that department.
I'm again looking for another job, as my seasonal position is over now (and a week before I had expected it to be).
I am teaching myself photoshop, and screen printing in the very near future. I have all of my materials, but I have to build the screen thingy first.
I may be volunteering again soon....I received another call-back a minute ago.
Let's see, I pick up my work from another show that is finished on the 7th. And then I will try to apply/get into more shows for this next year. I'm starting to get artsy up in here again...watch out world.

I am just hoping to GOD that next year will be better than the last. This year almost killed me....multiple times and in multiple ways. So I only have to get through the rest of the day, and I'm home free. Wooooooooooooooo!
(enthusiasm, it's all I need to have, apparently. *wink*)

Slaying My Dragon

Q: 'How do you slay the dragon?'


A: 'Follow your bliss.'




-Taken from a dialogue between Bill Moyers and Joseph Campbell.

Under the Sun

"When a person places the proper value on freedom, there is nothing under the sun that he will not do to acquire that freedom. Whenever you hear a person saying he wants freedom, but in the next breath he is going to tell you what he won't do to get it, or what he doesn't believe in doing in order to get it, he doesn't believe in freedom. A person who believes in freedom will do anything under the sun to acquire...or preserve his freedom."

Malcolm X


another one I'm gonna remember in the next few weeks...

#7

No longer mine. Some days I really miss them, wonder if they're well, being looked at/after...

Further Thoughts On That...

I've realized that in general, I have lived my life based on my fears. I have often times avoided things/people/situations because of my fear. But as I grow older, I become less afraid of the things I once was.

The difference is that I now feel I have nothing to lose in trying. In a way, I feel that I have already lost most of the things I could stand to lose by taking that chance. So I figure, why not go for it. But I think that in the last few years or so, I have finally found that underground well of stored courage that has made me want to go beyond that of mere chance. As in, I want to do the things I was once fearful of.

Now I want to face my fears head on. Every single last one of them. I want to find them, look them in the eyes, and challenge them. I want to take back what they took from me for years. I want it back, and I'll get it. That's. It.

I Need To Remember

"My deepest emotional wound has also been the source of inexhaustible blessings."


(Free Will Astrology)

Art Interview With Me

I am currently a featured artist on the Arts and Ideas myspace page.

check out a few examples of my work here.

and a link to the blog interview (YAY!) is here.


ETA: I am posting the whole interview below, as well.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Shana R. Goetsch interview Featured artist Shana R. Goetsch Was there a defining moment you knew you had to create art? One moment? No. But I have had many moments where I thought that I would pursue at the very least, something creative. Ultimately the choice for school was made between a writing degree and a fine art degree. I chose art over writing because I knew that it was something that I could not live without. I knew that my life would be worse if I did not have art as a constant. I also feel that communication was a huge part of either choice I would have made. I had a voice and I wanted it heard. I had an experience and I wanted it shared. Pretty basic, 'communication'. Yet I saw it as a major form of empowerment for me, in either case. It was something that was so vital to who I was and who I wanted to be, and so I felt there was no other viable option for me. Do you listen to music when you create? If so, what? Habitually. Parts of songs often end up as background text or a key phrase in the piece I'm working on at the time. In general though, I have an enormous love affair with words, so what I listen to while I work influences me quite heavily. But I do choose accordingly, and I have had some favorites: Neko Case, Aimee Mann, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, Iron and Wine, lately Damien Rice... After people see your work, what would you love for them to walk away with? I would just like the viewer to have had an experience, and I would like to have communicated to them something about mine. I suppose that I ultimately want people to FEEL. We have all heard of "writers block". Do you feel as an artist, you sometimes get "artist block". If so, what do you do to alleviate it, if anything? Oh yes, I am going through a period of it right now. It's not necessarily a 'block' in the traditional sense though. In my work, I mainly deal with very intense subject matter, things that are psychologically dark, sometimes disturbing to me, and ultimately very emotionally draining. So I really need a way to relax and gather myself more than anything. In those times, I generally paint 'circles', and I have for years. I find it to be an extremely meditative and thoughtless/thoughtful process for me. I get a break. As to why I paint the circles...there is a very core and fundamental feeling I get from a circle, like it's the shape that makes the most sense to me in the universe. So in answer to your question, in order to paint again, I paint...again. And if that isn't a cyclical thought, I don't know what is. What is the most frustrating thing about being an artist? Not communicating my ideas as succinctly and thoroughly as I'd like. To be fair though, that is a frustration that can be applied to many aspects of my life. What is the best thing about being an artist? I think that any time you express yourself, it's the best feeling in the world. It's real, tangible, evidence of what is inside you, and you've just made it visible and accessible to every one else...it's liberating. Being able to share myself and spill my insides, is absolutely the best part of being an artist. It's fundamentally why I do what I do.

Stars Screaming

Just a little note before I forget....I was thinking about loss, and the recent loss of my cat. And how his entombment box is located on top of a book that I hollowed out. I chose the book from the 10 cent bargain bin a few summers ago because of the title, 'Stars Screaming'.
I've got to say, I think that that is one of the most excellent book titles I've ever encountered, in terms of how much it made me THINK. Two words, and they made me think so hard and so often.
Those words are making me think again, and for the next piece, whatever I do, it will have some semblance of those words in them.

The words themselves are just so simple, and they could seem to not even make sense alone, and with no discernible context, but if you put them together... and if you ask yourself further questions about the words and what they might mean, you begin to build a story or a narrative. So I have been thinking over the past few months, what those words would mean to me, and in what context I would place them.

I wondered, what could possibly be so bad that the stars would scream? And who are they screaming for? What would make the stars in the sky have such extreme emotion; outrage and anger perhaps....or even desperation? What or whom could do that? The answer I came up with, is that the stars are screaming for their loss. The universe/heavens/sky has lost something fundamental and detrimental to the core of its being.

And here's where it comes back to me....and what I have lost, and what I feel is fundamentally gone from me and how it makes me feel. So I further thought about the process of loss, and I came upon 'helplessness'. The very act of stars screaming, is most distinctly a response to their own helpless outrage. So it's an impotency of emotion that the stars now have (I'm taking you through my thought process, in case you didn't get it by now) which is why they scream.....they scream out of outrage for a situation...Or they scream in outrage for someone else...

The stars scream when the victim has no voice, they scream for the voiceless. The stars scream when no one else can.

That thought, although a bit intimidating in its massiveness, is very comforting. Like the universe will take care of its own....that sorta thing.....*wanders out*

Arteries

Here are the circles, front and back... 'Artery Front 1-3' interspersed with 'Artery Back 1-3'.






















(All images copyright Shana R. Goetsch)

Front and Back

Often times when I paint circles on paper, I feel that the back of the piece is more visually interesting to me. They are a lot more 'contemporary' I suppose, and they have an entirely different feel from the front. It's an interesting thing going on. I've toyed with the idea of making pieces that are for windows/see-through, but I haven't quite combated the fading problem that would occur. But indeed, the circles are interesting when you look through them. Maybe even more so. Too bad pigments fade, that's all I can say. But I finished three new circles and the backs are very nice indeed, in a sparse and empty way. They are drying right now, so the photos will be up tomorrow. I might scan the backs too.

Dead

Have you ever had to consider someone dead because they just mysteriously left your life so abruptly and thoroughly and yet, with such unfinished business? That's where I am right now...again. Someone is 'dead' and I have to think it out that way, or else I will go insane with the trying. What am I left to do other than that though? It's like the trying that I'm so known for, is turning against me! What the heck is that!?! I thought I had my defense mechanisms firmly within my grasp, but no. I can feel myself spiraling out of control in a very controlled way...it's like a mania, for christ's sake!
Anyway, it should probably make for some good art in a few weeks once I process it.
But right now I feel like I am in the pits of hell and being punished again for loving so hard and I'm mourning. Actual mourning is going on because I have no other way to process the event.
It feels the same as a death though, so why should I not? I have no other resources with which to deal. Absolutely no understanding of things. And so, here I stand in mourning...buncha crap.

Nothing Much

I have nothing much to say about art, for right now. I disturbed myself, you see...me and my painting ways. But I know that it will all come back....my brain is just empty...or way too full that it's gone totally crazy on me in a real quiet way. Ah ha! It's the calm before the storm. That's what it is. Perhaps even the eye of the hurricane would be more apt; everything has gone eerily still for me, creatively.
And that's where I'm at, yo.
So. I'll be making holiday gifts for the next few weeks!!! YAY! Nothing takes my mind off of things like some pointless busywork. Although most times I loath the very idea of it, this is not one of those times. If I weren't making prezzies, I'd surely be rocking the circles once again. I still might knock off a few tonight...

Deer Hart (Dear Heart) - "Warm"

I don't have a ton to say about this one...I think that if you can read it, it is pretty self-explanatory. I was thinking about the warmth of words, versus the warmth of 'the body', and let's just leave it at that. But if you need further clarification, the answer lies in the lyrics for Neko Case's song Favorite.
Thank you and goodnight.

Broads Who Happen to Influence Me (D. Garzelloni)

She and I have been speaking on myspace for almost a year now, I think maybe even longer. I tend to discuss a lot of my artistic endeavors with her, and she's always, oddly, topically, current to me and my life situations. Case in point, I was IMing her about the deer-charging incident and she got a text message from a phone she picked up by accident...about someone killing a deer. That's weird timing yo, and it seems to be the overall trend.

I also look to her for the names of all things spiritual and cool, since she's more well-read on the subjects that I seem to be interested in...much more than I am....'Godhead. What's that?', says me. Well, she knows.

So I asked her to make this for me, and I think it's super cool. She's recently been doing some computer manipulations to very great effect, in my opinion. The neat thing, is that she was willing to experiment in a medium that she was not originally comfortable with.

Anyway, here's me, 'Animus'




More of D. Garzelloni's work can be found here.

Um...

The next piece, it's rather gory...I'm noticing a distinct shift in things right now, perhaps it's my mentality? Anyway, I feel the series is now headed the unconsciously gory route. So I think that for now, it's best to stop right here and take a breather. Just a breather. Maybe I'll paint some circles for a bit.
Okay, yeah....but this recent piece, 'Warm' should be up soon, as I am spraying it this evening.

*relaxes into some comfortable nothing*

Content

I found this very fine definition for 'content' while I was cleaning my house. I'm sharing (again):

"Content is that which a work betrays but does not parade."

-Erwin Panofsky (from 'Meaning in the Visual Arts')

Working On It

I'm working on the next piece in the series...and then I think I'm stalled a bit for now. Or I need to take a break from all of the gore and deer. It's cool, I'll let it run its course, whatever path it takes.
I struggled with the imagery on one of them....that one might not ever get made...but I feel I have rather a solid series to work with in any case, so for that I'm excited.
But I think that I still may explore the 'bow and arrow' angle further, except without the aid of any deer. I really wanted to work Orion the Hunter into something, but the opportunity has not presented itself as of yet in this group of images. We shall see, we shall see...the big romance between Orion and Artemis may just be referenced any day now. *rubs hands together in the nitty grit*

The previously mentioned fifth piece, by the way, will be subtitled, 'Warm'. Photos should be coming any day now.

'Deer Hart (Dear Heart)-Force'

So I made this fourth piece in my series, subtitled Force, and lo and behold, it has a deer in it! No but seriously, this one took me by surprise. It was one of those that threw itself together. I found this random sheet of paper folded up in my purse (I can only conclude helper elves had a part in this again). The paper had gotten wet at some point, but it was a sheet of paper I had used to brainstorm for my artist's statement on the series, Sanguine. That has been in my purse, undetected by me since before the month of May! (Helper elves. They put the stuff on my floor for me too.)
It was a tough artist's statement to write, I remember, as it was dealing with pretty heavy subject matter, and I was instructed to craft my statement based on my peer feed-back. So they wrote words on a slip of paper and I had to use those to start with....which is why there is nothing particularly 'happy' written on that paper.
But I saw that in my purse and realized how perfect it was, so I put the deer transfer on top. And I wasn't expecting quite the message that came across after I was finished with it either. But there it is. It says more than I had planned, so it's like a little added bonus on the side for me.
I love it when things I create transcend even my thinking on the matter. Surprises are cool.




all images copyright Shana R. Goetsch

I Miss Seeing the Sunrise

The mural(s) I made on the building across the street are gone now because they put large windows in the front there....which is safer for them, don't get me wrong. I believe they are the only corner store in the area that has not gotten robbed, or the owner shot and/or killed. So kudos to them for being able to have more of a view of the scene in the neighborhood.

However, I miss seeing my sunrise every day. All of the traffic going to work on Locust Street saw it every morning too, I hope it was something they missed a little snick too.

The store owners originally asked me to paint a mural, and that was up for a few years. Then they did major renovations on the facade of the building, and so the mural was gone during that period. Then I was invited by the owner to paint another version of the mural in the same spot. The coolest thing about it was the visibility factor, and that the mural I painted was in the front of their building, The sunrise, the subject, is also the name of the store, so it was featured in all of their print ads over the years, as well. How's that for cool?

They (combined) were up for a good 8 years, maybe more, and they were never vandalized once! Neither one of the murals I painted were ever tagged, and this neighborhood is tagged.

So anyway, I never get to see them anymore since they are gonegone... but I do have these swell photos...enjoy the rises.

I Was Moved Again

by this video. (the music player is at the bottom of the page, just hit pause. sorry.)

I got a little short of breath when I watched it again after not seeing it for months. Whew! Yeah, this is a really good dance show, Mia Michaels is the fabulous choreographer, and these are two tremendously powerful dancers. Throw in a good song, and it's a little slice of perfection ala mode.

I wish I were younger and could go back again and be a dancer, I love it so much. Movement in general is intriguing to me; the way a body, or different bodies move. That's fascinating to me. And so much can be projected in a dance, in a body motion. That's why I paint the figure, folks.

Pride

I took a photo that I like. If you know anything about me and photos....well, we aren't the best of friends. It is difficult for me to work those contraptions (cameras) and it always has been. I don't know why, but I find myself lacking in that department severely. I can barely take photos of my work because everything I make is so freakin' shiny. Or even worse, a mixture of matte and gloss. Horrible to shoot, so I'm very hard on myself with photos. Everything has to be edited, but that I am a whiz at.

So, needless to say, it came as a great shock to me when I was messing around with my new nutcracker (for real), and I came up with this as one of only three that I took:

It is so unedited ya'll! Untouched and perfect, and I took the photo...WOOOOOOOOoooooooo.

'Deer Hart (Dear Heart)-Loaded'

The third in this series subtitled 'Loaded', features the words 'nein lives' (I adore word plays and puns) written at the top, and a half-cat, half-deer for the animal subject matter. Hopefully that reads to the eye. I also spent some time thinking of hearts as weapons....and how that is possibly true for mine, at least. Don't want that thing going off!

So in essence, I have likened my own heart to that of a loaded gun....and then gave said 'loaded gun' away, only to be promptly turned back on me...*BANG* Well, that was a big part of my internal musings, at the very least.

Yeah, so here it is: Deer Hart (Dear Heart)-Loaded

Cool Snippets

That I found on the net today which also include yours truly. These are kind of fun, and the dude who set up the site got the general idea from StoryCorps. If you're not familiar with StoryCorps, it's a really great, travelling, archive of stories....ANY kind. People record their personal triumphs and tragedies, and memories, so that they can share them forever. I have seen/heard some of the greatest stories on that website... I was crying in the library at school and everything. It's a real well of humanity, it is.

Anyway, this is a take-off on that involving some MIAD students and faculty from a few years back. Ah, and one is all about guilt/regret, the other about flatulence ( I'm awesome). So I have two snippets (Shana Goetsch) just hit the play buttons on the page. Also, you'll need the volume on maximum.

Please visit the StoryCorps page as well. It's well worth your time, I promise.

Techin' Yer Photos

I thought I was out of ideas for my Deer Hart (Dear Heart) series for a minute there. It was really only a minute though, because then I thought of two new ideas within the space of the next five. My creativity is running fast and furious lately. I'll take it. So it looks as if I will have at least five works so far, and there could be more to come.

Hopefully, I will get photos of the third piece in the series tomorrow morning, edit them tomorrow night...all day long, I'm techin' yer photos.*

*I'm a photo lab tech by day, for the time being...

I'll Mirror You

Here's a little note about the state of some of my work...you can see what it says with a mirror. That is, you can read the parts that look as if they are written in a foreign language. That's actually my handwriting backwards.

I pull this move for several reasons. First thing's first, I did it by mistake once because printmaking is hard. I also realized that my writing blown up and backwards was sorta cool-looking. In the same respect, I enjoy that it's my handwriting if the piece is about my experience, in particular. But I've often used typewriter print and other people's writing, little notes they left me and things like that.

Another worthy reason is that there are obvious implications with having something backwards rather than forwards, and having to 'mirror' something (someone) in order to understand or comprehend it. The fact that the writing is unreadable at first, but that there is a way to discover things later, is a great concept and still doesn't leave my work in a state of undo flashiness. It eludes, and quite frankly that seems to be a part of my personality, as well.

So anyway, if you have the need, you can click on the pics to the larger size and throw up a mirror. You may get more than you bargained for however, as my handwriting is more of a scrawl, rather than anything remotely legible.

The third piece 'Loaded', of my current series is almost complete. It should be up by this weekend. This one in particular does not contain any backwards writing. Deduce what you may.

Twinky

I can't enough of magenta. For real. I've noticed a very distinct pallette change in my work in the last month or so. It's kind of exciting because it's brighter now. I only want magenta, and orange, and gold, and aqua. No green, I'm over it! I feel the need for more bright, luscious, colors in my pieces at this point. I want colors that are bursting. I'm still loving my red, but it's a brighter, lighter, red now.

The best thing about my habitual depression is that I always can't freaking wait to paint. It's like a really satisfying itch. It's why I'm always hesitant to seek professional (mental) help...I think I'll 'lose' the ability to paint, and think as I do. Which truthfully, is a huge deal for me. But I always go back to that old saying, 'it's about the journey, not the destination', and so then I think about how far I've come, and how bad it could be...and I'm satisfied because I did it FOR myself. And that really makes it all cyclical, and means that I do use my art for the purpose of healing. I found a way when I hadn't another available.

So I think that's cool, and I'm kind of proud that I can channel emotion into things, and make that/them/myself productive. Score one for emotional me! That part of me....'she' is really, really, good to me in that way. She's always taking one for the team, so to speak. I should remember to watch over her more, as she's so sensitive, and shy, and young. Perhaps it was she, who changed my pallette on me then?  Twinky...she's always been so precocious!*

*Twinky was the nickname my mother had for me.

'Deer Hart (Dear Heart)-Bloodsport'

'Deer Hart (Dear Heart)-Bloodsport'












I like the way this turned out...no found objects in this because there's a lot going on already. However I did include found papers, as in the last piece from this series.
This one has layers, meaning-wise...I tend to enjoy that immensely. An artist I just 'met' said that my work was disturbing. When pressed, he said that my work throws out that kind of a vibe, but that it probably means can I handle disturbing things better than most. I'm thinking he's super smart, and that I'll go with that line of reasoning from now on...painting makes my brain healthy. My brain's still kinda sad and broken, but yes, things are slightly easier to deal with now.


images copyright Shana R. Goetsch

Irritation!

I've done this twice so far....and I've only finished two paintings in this series. So I shoot photos of them (painstakingly), and edit them, and then I realize there is an inherent flaw in the piece. Something so minor, but that will make all the difference in the world. These 'fixes' will literally take about 2 minutes each, and yet again, make all the difference. So the point here is that I had photos all ready and now I have to wait again, and shoot the first one over too....and reload it to everywhere I loaded it to in the first place. Backtracking, could I do anymore of that in life?! Geez.

When I Need It

I finished the second piece in this suite. I'd throw up a photo of my finished product, but I'm so lo-tech, and shooting any photos requires sunlight for me. I feel it is the best representation of my color in photos. Seriously though, my work is waaay nicer than I can ever get the photos. Alas, me working during the day is not helping matters in the sunlight department. So you'll have to wait on that until my next day off, and hope that it's not overcast that morning.
In the meantime I have started the third installment of my series, 'Deer Hart (Dear Heart)'. This one has no catchy subtitle yet. It'll find itself soon enough though. I have to wait for the content to dictate the title (or in this case, the subtitle), and that's never completely planned out. I have that habit of grabbing things that have been laying on my floor, and stepped on, and kicked around for months. That always shakes things up for me. But it is curious...I often wonder how exactly I have all this potential art just laying around. Where did it come from, exactly? Why is it on my floor? And I suppose, what's not on my floor that I couldn't find and use? That solves that.
Mysteriously, I have what I need when I need it. And that little ditty, I should remember to see if I can apply to other situations in my life...
So yeah, working on the third piece, and severely running out of storage space. I'll have to think of something more clever for the found objects pieces. Everything is irregular and unstackable. I don't even want to think about moving right now...too late *faints*

I Wish I Was the Moon Tonight

I actually had that thought before the impending deer charging incident. But it was such a beautiful, blood-red, harvest moon. And it was huge and ripe, and it hung ominously low in the sky...how could I not have had a little bit of envy?

I am almost finished with my second piece in this series, which will be subtitled, 'Bloodsport'. I think it's fitting given the 'characters' that I used in this one. I just need to do a bit of tweaking, some gluing and we're good to go, folks.

your updated, blurry, photo of the floor/studio:

Dark Creepoid

Tonight after I got done working I came home and cut letters out of magazines, just like a dark, threatening, creepoid would. It was for part of my newest series....I'm not actually threatening anyone with these magazine letters.

But sometimes I wonder about the amount of 'understanding' I have with all things wrong in the universe, in order to make some of the pieces I make. As in, I think I've seen/heard/know too much sometimes.

I love being able to say something real, and to take a stand, but again...the lengths that I have to go sometimes to set a certain tone or mood is really scary. It's scary to have to be that person, to jump into that role, even for a day, an hour, a minute. But sometimes it's just the way things have to be conveyed. I don't want to say that I'm channelling someone, or something, because I'm definitely NOT. However, it occurs to me that I do in fact, have to go there sometimes.

I suppose a better example with which to illustrate this concept, would be the piece I did about female genital mutilation. In the end, it had to be that she was stitched there with real thread. It was what the piece really needed. But the fact that I had to sit there and do that to a vagina (real or drawn) almost broke me. Well, it did break me, I apologized to her profusely beforehand, I had dread. I had a fit before I even started, I felt like I was going to vomit, and I was sobbing when I actually did the stitching. Sobbing, all over the idea of what I was doing.

But I still didn't want to hurt her, even if she wasn't real and I had drawn her myself. I just didn't want to hurt her like that. And of course, 'she' was just a symbol in my mind for every other woman who has experienced mutilation and humiliation, but 'she' was still real enough that I felt the need to talk to her. And I cried for her pain, even while I was the one creating it.

I'm not able to communicate it correctly right now. Weird, but I think that's what I'm driving at with the magazine letters. Sometimes, I don't want to have the thoughts I have which lead me to make the paintings I paint. Sometimes, I want so desperately to be able to be content with painting flowers and teddy bears, and fluffy, meaningless, crap.

Most times though, I love being able to put me on the paper, no matter what broken-down state I show up in. And I'll still try to love myself, even if I spent the night being a dark creepoid.

People-related

rather than art-related today, but I always feel that this is a good thing to remember:


’The Cocktail Party’

T.S. Eliot. an excerpt.


"We die to each other daily. What we know of other people is only our memory of the moments during which we knew them. And they have changed since then. To pretend that they and we are the same is a useful and convenient social convention which must sometimes be broken. We must also remember that at every meeting we are meeting a stranger."

UP!

I am up in the exhibit at Art Bar in Riverwest. My friend and I went in there this afternoon, and I am definitely on the wall(s) in various areas. Which is nice, because I had had some worries about it. But I also took this high quality pic, so that there can be no doubt.
Here's one of mine:


As a side note, I quite enjoy drinking in the afternoons, for some odd reason.

Things With Wings

Of course, since I just complained about the religious factor, I'm going to put up a series I did about 6 years ago that is sorta religiousy. I'm kooky like that. Not necessarily angels, but they definitely have wings. I am also including some of the anonymous MIAD critiques I received for these pieces, since I still have them because I'm a mad saver.









Here come the peer reviews:

1.I find your work very expressive with it's usage of colors and the modeling of the layers of color and the background! To keep 50 images fresh is quite the feat. Your color repetition makes this suite read not only individually, but wholly. Beautiful.

2.Every piece has its own feel, whether it's because of color choices, expression in marks, etc. there is a certain uneasiness I get when looking at all of these pieces as a whole. I don't know if it's the chaotic vibe running through these pieces or what-whatever the case I was moved.

3.You have definitely gotten 'divinity' across in this suite. The centering of the 'winged creatures' on each piece of paper, and the immense amount of this type of repeated image. I enjoy the various versions you have come up with. There is wonderful movement in all of these pieces.

4.The ambiguity of each figure, repeated 50 times over, and that the figure is female (I assume) seems to be more overwhelming than spiritual feeling. The work seems to be related to elevating the female form to an iconic image.

and the professor, Anne Miotke: Individually, I partly feel that these are not mystical beings, but rather temptresses, as evidenced by the sensual poses, emphasis on the groin, etc. So it is interesting that as a group they are one thing, and individually they vary.

*sigh* I really loved her classes.

A few more, and how I ended up mounting them:


(p.s. bad photos, I know. It was way before I had the digital though)

Good Times

I was making my profile at 'myartspace.com' and I was going through online articles to put links in, and I found this.
Big ups to antiques and "China Museum", yo. How they got a hold of my press release (which I wrote myself, thank you), I will never know. Also, I seem to have been put in their religious section of art news...?!? (scroll down) Truthfully, I've always been a bit touchy about people thinking my work is solely religious in nature. This however, rules. I am there (awesomely) right next to the Jesus orgy. The internet is funny.

Here is myartspace, and if you click the 'artist profile' button on the left, you can see my random imaged slideshow!
Again, good times.

Internal Dialogue

Now it's external. But I was thinking today, as I always am, about marketability and art. As in, is mine ever going to be, and do I even want that? I know that I have to make the art regardless of what happens later. That's as ingrained as breathing for me.
My mother once told me, that she knew where I had been all day as a child by finding the color/writing tool I had used that day, and following the marks I had made aaaall over the house. I was a very intent graffiti artist at the time. For real. So much so, that before she repainted my bedroom she let me draw on the walls. She was super awesome in that respect, let me color on the walls because she knew I couldn't not.
So my theory is that the painting is just IN me and natural. I will be creating something at any point in time throughout my whole life. I figure I can sell some of it....is that selling out? I have no idea, but I also have no dreams of grandeur in this regard. And what, am I gonna save everything I've ever made? Good Lord.
I just think it would be wicked awesome if I could pay rent, at least. Is that too much to ask of my art? Probably, but I'm gonna try it anyway. I've devised this plan where I have two (or more) separate series' going on at once. Maybe one of them will be able to sell. The real gutsy work won't ever sell, I know that. Too bad there isn't more of a market for bloody feminist paintings.....well, there should be.
So anyway, I am throwing myself to the wolves just to see if I could eventually make rent every month, or any money at all. Okay, let's just start with 'any money'. Good then.
Also I am going to be looking into grad school OUT OF STATE, thank you very much. I can experience something new for two years, at the very least. The propect of this is so enticing, something new. I am localizing my search to Tennesse and Kentucky and also Texas. I worked it out with vag a couple of nights ago. Down south y'all.

'Deer Hart (Dear Heart)-Golden'

finished. *airkick*

Golden






Well, I finished my first piece in this series, Golden. I actually used that technique with the paper bits on some random circular shapes about a month ago. Who knew that would show up, and when?! That's the joy of painting for me, unexpected surprises abound. It's interesting, because I had thought the paper bits looked like tile originally, but on this they look like stained glass. Excellent. I might make this baby into an altar piece (I still haven't attached the back wooden part yet either). But I think the wooden 'arms' that are created by the chair shape, and the imitation stained glass create a very religious/spiritual energy to the piece.
I enjoyed making it so much, more than I should have given the content. And to an extent I am revisiting some of my previous mediums and techniques on these pieces. But I'm really feeling this way of working for right now, so I'm gonna go with it.
I was also thinking a lot about totems in this piece, as the bodies/parts are segregated and laid one on top of another, vertically. I think it's an interesting effect that I might want to explore further with these pieces. Especially since I have an animal subject matter, totems seem like a very appropriate option for a format. I had been talking my friend D about totems for a few months now...and animals, so that it was a natural, unconscious, transition for me. Thanks for that yo!
I'm glad that everything is coagulating in my head from months and years back. It's had the effect of making me creatively, energetic lately, and I'm actually excited rather than worried about this series. Excellent.

I Still Look Sometimes

Today it's all about my mom.

MOTHER

Mother, where are you?

I looked for you, but you were gone.

Mother, who are you?

I just listened to your favorite song.

Mother, where are you?

I feel like I do not belong.

Mother, who are you?

I haven't known you in so very long.

Shana R. Goetsch 2000

I'm going to start a new 'Mom Painting'. Probably today, since it feels like a fresh wound every autumn, come November. The painting/found object piece 'Golden' is finished and drying. And everything is right on schedule.

Friday Top Ten Tracks (late)

1.Delicate - Damien Rice
2.Ghost of a Texas Ladies' Man - Concrete Blonde
3.Love Lockdown - Kanye West
4.She's Lost Control - Joy Division
5.Ghost Wiring - Neko Case
6.Favorite - Neko Case
7. 9 Crimes - Damien Rice
8.Machine Gun - Portishead
9.Heard it Through the Grapevine - CCR
10.Joy - Jah Roots

Today

I will finish up my initial piece in this series, hopefully. This first one will be called 'Golden'. I'm quite excited by the prospect of the chair top....I glued it last night and it was ready to go this morning.
Later I will be going to the opening deal at Art Bar in Riverwest. My friend and I will see if my stuff made it up on the wall for the first night of the 'mini' exhibit. (There are tons of artists in this) Meh. There will be drinks there to calm my possible rejection. Should be an okay day. A relaxing one, even.

Here's a peek at what my floor looks like today:

*dives in*

Life is sweet...

when you have the right found object to go along with your painting! See, this is why I collect junk all the live long day, so that when I need them, they are there (the junks). I can't tell you how excited I was to remember that I had a piece from the top of a chair that would fit perfectly with my painting/found object...thing. (I have no idea what to call these sometimes, are they sculptures? Are they paintings? Just what?)
So I was doing a mental run-through of what I basically needed and what I had in my apartment, and I had this thought of the chair top. Well I wasted NO time, I scurried, and dug, and made jubilant noises. Junk makes me that excited y'all. So, I would have to say the first in my series, Deer hart (Dear heart) is now eighty percent complete....!!! Okay, back to work, but I just love it when a bit of magic comes into play when I'm painting. I swear, it's the only arena in which I am allowed to be this lucky.

Broads Who Happen to Influence Me (Louise Bourgeois)

she is so cool.

Lament

She



Watch You Slip Away







Requiem


There have been a lot of paintings that I have done based around the loss of my mother. The first, 'She' was made when I was 19. It took me five years to process that event, you see. When I was 25 and in art school I did the found objects piece, 'Watch You Slip Away' which my father bought. I often wonder if he knew what he really bought and what that meant. By the time I was 30 I had made one of my favorite not-ever-for-sale paintings, 'Requiem'. That one, as with the others, helped me. She isn't here you see, and she isn't ever coming back. She's not 'on vacation' like I told myself in high school in order to survive it. I understand these things now, I really do. I know because the empty never fills back up in some situations. I just still long for her sometimes; for a person I lost 19 years ago, for a person I don't even know anymore. It's an odd concept, but I think I paint her because it makes her a part of my experience, forever.

I am on the precipice of another major lamentation. The new series will allow me to cover any and every situation where I have lost someone, quite easily. I can ride that broken heart metaphor out as long as it goes....and I will. I think that there is something in me that is so terrified of those moments of loss. When one is empty of a person rather than full, and how quickly that can occur.

So I guess, I can keep people forever this way, because they have to go through me again in order to get out creatively; a transformation, a resurrection. I have to experience them again. They fill me up, and then I lose them (as always) to the paper. But in this small way, they will be a part of me forever. It means they will have lived inside me at some point. I guess for that, I should be grateful...and that will have to be enough.



All work copyright Shana R. Goetsch.

With the bunch of lace at his throat...

The Highwayman






Love-knot





The prophetic paintings, it's been a life-long adventure. Well, it's just difficult to have something 'come to you' later like a bolt of lightening (or a smack in the face), when you've been, by all accounts, just painting. Then you realize, with horror, that you are possibly highly intuitive and the medium this likes to reinforce itself with is art. Then you naturally think you are sorta like that psychic painter on the T.V. show Heroes, and then you remember that he was a drug addict and that he died like, right away. There goes that idea. Anyway, these are the pieces loosely based on The Highwayman that were mentioned in the post with the tarot cards further down in the blog somewhere.
If you would like to read the poem by Alfred Noyes, you can find it here.

Of Life

I have been thinking about life a lot lately, why I have this desire to paint. I have always enjoyed it, but there is a certain amount of urgency to things now, as I grow older. I feel myself scrambling to make my mark on the world somehow. I probably won't get married or have children; there is literally no one to carry me on, so to speak.
Who will remember me if I don't paint? Who will remember that I was even in the world painting? I guess it's a part of the ferocity with which I produce lately, I'm facing my own mortality.
Memories fade at some point, and time removes details. So I'm leaving my mark for the world now. Right here, right now.


































Of Life 3/8, Of Life 1/8, Of life 5/8 Shana R. Goetsch 2008

It's Interesting What a Few Years Can Do

I recently was hunting around through my old photographs in an unrelated search. In the process I found this baby:

It is the only photo I have of this painting. I made this piece in high school and then promptly gave it away, never to be seen by my eyes again. That was 17 or 18 years ago by now, and this was one of my first paintings, ever. It's an oil on canvas too...aw. I never even mess with oils anymore. But yeah, it seems I've always had an interest in figures, bodies, and hands.  Gotta love a good hand though. I've abstracted more than a bit too, over the years. It's still so bizarre of a concept for me, the whole thing is. I'm just amazed that that piece came out of me (and in the early 90's too, it could have been so much worse).

Magenta Mood

I had some tiny bits of extra paper. Circle paintings ensued. Here are two examples:

Body #48


Body #45

These are by far the most flamboyant of the 'circles' I have done. Very lickable. Seems I'm in the mood for magenta.