Now it's external. But I was thinking today, as I always am, about marketability and art. As in, is mine ever going to be, and do I even want that? I know that I have to make the art regardless of what happens later. That's as ingrained as breathing for me.
My mother once told me, that she knew where I had been all day as a child by finding the color/writing tool I had used that day, and following the marks I had made aaaall over the house. I was a very intent graffiti artist at the time. For real. So much so, that before she repainted my bedroom she let me draw on the walls. She was super awesome in that respect, let me color on the walls because she knew I couldn't not.
So my theory is that the painting is just IN me and natural. I will be creating something at any point in time throughout my whole life. I figure I can sell some of it....is that selling out? I have no idea, but I also have no dreams of grandeur in this regard. And what, am I gonna save everything I've ever made? Good Lord.
I just think it would be wicked awesome if I could pay rent, at least. Is that too much to ask of my art? Probably, but I'm gonna try it anyway. I've devised this plan where I have two (or more) separate series' going on at once. Maybe one of them will be able to sell. The real gutsy work won't ever sell, I know that. Too bad there isn't more of a market for bloody feminist paintings.....well, there should be.
So anyway, I am throwing myself to the wolves just to see if I could eventually make rent every month, or any money at all. Okay, let's just start with 'any money'. Good then.
Also I am going to be looking into grad school OUT OF STATE, thank you very much. I can experience something new for two years, at the very least. The propect of this is so enticing, something new. I am localizing my search to Tennesse and Kentucky and also Texas. I worked it out with vag a couple of nights ago. Down south y'all.