Wednesday, December 31, 2008
I am hardcore looking at grad school. I may just be able to swing to February 15th deadline, it all depends on my recommendation letters, and if they feel they can get them done in the next month. Otherwise I wait another two years. I suppose it could be worse, but still. I also decided that I will be taking some business and economics classes (not for credit). But I feel that if I ever want to run a non-profit art center (which I think I will at some point) I need to have some basics in that department.
I'm again looking for another job, as my seasonal position is over now (and a week before I had expected it to be).
I am teaching myself photoshop, and screen printing in the very near future. I have all of my materials, but I have to build the screen thingy first.
I may be volunteering again soon....I received another call-back a minute ago.
Let's see, I pick up my work from another show that is finished on the 7th. And then I will try to apply/get into more shows for this next year. I'm starting to get artsy up in here again...watch out world.
I am just hoping to GOD that next year will be better than the last. This year almost killed me....multiple times and in multiple ways. So I only have to get through the rest of the day, and I'm home free. Wooooooooooooooo!
(enthusiasm, it's all I need to have, apparently. *wink*)
Saturday, December 27, 2008
"When a person places the proper value on freedom, there is nothing under the sun that he will not do to acquire that freedom. Whenever you hear a person saying he wants freedom, but in the next breath he is going to tell you what he won't do to get it, or what he doesn't believe in doing in order to get it, he doesn't believe in freedom. A person who believes in freedom will do anything under the sun to acquire...or preserve his freedom."
another one I'm gonna remember in the next few weeks...
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
The difference is that I now feel I have nothing to lose in trying. In a way, I feel that I have already lost most of the things I could stand to lose by taking that chance. So I figure, why not go for it. But I think that in the last few years or so, I have finally found that underground well of stored courage that has made me want to go beyond that of mere chance. As in, I want to do the things I was once fearful of.
Now I want to face my fears head on. Every single last one of them. I want to find them, look them in the eyes, and challenge them. I want to take back what they took from me for years. I want it back, and I'll get it. That's. It.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
and a link to the blog inter
ETA: I am posting the whole interview below, as well.
Shana R. Goetsch interview
Featured artist Shana R. Goetsch
What is the most frustrating thing about being an artist?
Saturday, December 13, 2008
I've got to say, I think that that is one of the most excellent book titles I've ever encountered, in terms of how much it made me THINK. Two words, and they made me think so hard and so often.
Those words are making me think again, and for the next piece, whatever I do, it will have some semblance of those words in them.
The words themselves are just so simple, and they could seem to not even make sense alone, and with no discernible context, but if you put them together... and if you ask yourself further questions about the words and what they might mean, you begin to build a story or a narrative. So I have been thinking over the past few months, what those words would mean to me, and in what context I would place them.
I wondered, what could possibly be so bad that the stars would scream? And who are they screaming for? What would make the stars in the sky have such extreme emotion; outrage and anger perhaps....or even desperation? What or whom could do that? The answer I came up with, is that the stars are screaming for their loss. The universe/heavens/sky has lost something fundamental and detrimental to the core of its being.
And here's where it comes back to me....and what I have lost, and what I feel is fundamentally gone from me and how it makes me feel. So I further thought about the process of loss, and I came upon 'helplessness'. The very act of stars screaming, is most distinctly a response to their own helpless outrage. So it's an impotency of emotion that the stars now have (I'm taking you through my thought process, in case you didn't get it by now) which is why they scream.....they scream out of outrage for a situation...Or they scream in outrage for someone else...
The stars scream when the victim has no voice, they scream for the voiceless. The stars scream when no one else can.
That thought, although a bit intimidating in its massiveness, is very comforting. Like the universe will take care of its own....that sorta thing.....*wanders out*
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Anyway, it should probably make for some good art in a few weeks once I process it.
But right now I feel like I am in the pits of hell and being punished again for loving so hard and I'm mourning. Actual mourning is going on because I have no other way to process the event.
It feels the same as a death though, so why should I not? I have no other resources with which to deal. Absolutely no understanding of things. And so, here I stand in mourning...buncha crap.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
And that's where I'm at, yo.
So. I'll be making holiday gifts for the next few weeks!!! YAY! Nothing takes my mind off of things like some pointless busywork. Although most times I loath the very idea of it, this is not one of those times. If I weren't making prezzies, I'd surely be rocking the circles once again. I still might knock off a few tonight...
Thursday, December 4, 2008
I don't have a ton to say about this one...I think that if you can read it, it is pretty self-explanatory. I was thinking about the warmth of words, versus the warmth of 'the body', and let's just leave it at that. But if you need further clarification, the answer lies in the lyrics for Neko Case's song Favorite.
Thank you and goodnight.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
I also look to her for the names of all things spiritual and cool, since she's more well-read on the subjects that I seem to be interested in...much more than I am....'Godhead. What's that?', says me. Well, she knows.
So I asked her to make this for me, and I think it's super cool. She's recently been doing some computer manipulations to very great effect, in my opinion. The neat thing, is that she was willing to experiment in a medium that she was not originally comfortable with.
Anyway, here's me, 'Animus'
More of D. Garzelloni's work can be found here.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Okay, yeah....but this recent piece, 'Warm' should be up soon, as I am spraying it this evening.
*relaxes into some comfortable nothing*
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
I struggled with the imagery on one of them....that one might not ever get made...but I feel I have rather a solid series to work with in any case, so for that I'm excited.
But I think that I still may explore the 'bow and arrow' angle further, except without the aid of any deer. I really wanted to work Orion the Hunter into something, but the opportunity has not presented itself as of yet in this group of images. We shall see, we shall see...the big romance between Orion and Artemis may just be referenced any day now. *rubs hands together in the nitty grit*
The previously mentioned fifth piece, by the way, will be subtitled, 'Warm'. Photos should be coming any day now.
Friday, November 28, 2008
So I made this fourth piece in my series, subtitled Force, and lo and behold, it has a deer in it! No but seriously, this one took me by surprise. It was one of those that threw itself together. I found this random sheet of paper folded up in my purse (I can only conclude helper elves had a part in this again). The paper had gotten wet at some point, but it was a sheet of paper I had used to brainstorm for my artist's statement on the series, Sanguine. That has been in my purse, undetected by me since before the month of May! (Helper elves. They put the stuff on my floor for me too.)
It was a tough artist's statement to write, I remember, as it was dealing with pretty heavy subject matter, and I was instructed to craft my statement based on my peer feed-back. So they wrote words on a slip of paper and I had to use those to start with....which is why there is nothing particularly 'happy' written on that paper.
But I saw that in my purse and realized how perfect it was, so I put the deer transfer on top. And I wasn't expecting quite the message that came across after I was finished with it either. But there it is. It says more than I had planned, so it's like a little added bonus on the side for me.
I love it when things I create transcend even my thinking on the matter. Surprises are cool.
all images copyright Shana R. Goetsch
Thursday, November 27, 2008
However, I miss seeing my sunrise every day. All of the traffic going to work on Locust Street saw it every morning too, I hope it was something they missed a little snick too.
The store owners originally asked me to paint a mural, and that was up for a few years. Then they did major renovations on the facade of the building, and so the mural was gone during that period. Then I was invited by the owner to paint another version of the mural in the same spot. The coolest thing about it was the visibility factor, and that the mural I painted was in the front of their building, The sunrise, the subject, is also the name of the store, so it was featured in all of their print ads over the years, as well. How's that for cool?
They (combined) were up for a good 8 years, maybe more, and they were never vandalized once! Neither one of the murals I painted were ever tagged, and this neighborhood is tagged.
So anyway, I never get to see them anymore since they are gonegone... but I do have these swell photos...enjoy the rises.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
by this video. (the music player is at the bottom of the page, just hit pause. sorry.)
I got a little short of breath when I watched it again after not seeing it for months. Whew! Yeah, this is a really good dance show, Mia Michaels is the fabulous choreographer, and these are two tremendously powerful dancers. Throw in a good song, and it's a little slice of perfection ala mode.
I wish I were younger and could go back again and be a dancer, I love it so much. Movement in general is intriguing to me; the way a body, or different bodies move. That's fascinating to me. And so much can be projected in a dance, in a body motion. That's why I paint the figure, folks.
Monday, November 24, 2008
I took a photo that I like. If you know anything about me and photos....well, we aren't the best of friends. It is difficult for me to work those contraptions (cameras) and it always has been. I don't know why, but I find myself lacking in that department severely. I can barely take photos of my work because everything I make is so freakin' shiny. Or even worse, a mixture of matte and gloss. Horrible to shoot, so I'm very hard on myself with photos. Everything has to be edited, but that I am a whiz at.
It is so unedited ya'll! Untouched and perfect, and I took the photo...WOOOOOOOOoooooooo.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
The third in this series subtitled 'Loaded', features the words 'nein lives' (I adore word plays and puns) written at the top, and a half-cat, half-deer for the animal subject matter. Hopefully that reads to the eye. I also spent some time thinking of hearts as weapons....and how that is possibly true for mine, at least. Don't want that thing going off!
So in essence, I have likened my own heart to that of a loaded gun....and then gave said 'loaded gun' away, only to be promptly turned back on me...*BANG* Well, that was a big part of my internal musings, at the very least.
Yeah, so here it is: Deer Hart (Dear Heart)-Loaded
Saturday, November 22, 2008
That I found on the net today which also include yours truly. These are kind of fun, and the dude who set up the site got the general idea from StoryCorps. If you're not familiar with StoryCorps, it's a really great, travelling, archive of stories....ANY kind. People record their personal triumphs and tragedies, and memories, so that they can share them forever. I have seen/heard some of the greatest stories on that website... I was crying in the library at school and everything. It's a real well of humanity, it is.
Anyway, this is a take-off on that involving some MIAD students and faculty from a few years back. Ah, and one is all about guilt/regret, the other about flatulence ( I'm awesome). So I have two snippets (Shana Goetsch) just hit the play buttons on the page. Also, you'll need the volume on maximum.
Please visit the StoryCorps page as well. It's well worth your time, I promise.
Friday, November 21, 2008
I thought I was out of ideas for my Deer Hart (Dear Heart) series for a minute there. It was really only a minute though, because then I thought of two new ideas within the space of the next five. My creativity is running fast and furious lately. I'll take it. So it looks as if I will have at least five works so far, and there could be more to come.
Hopefully, I will get photos of the third piece in the series tomorrow morning, edit them tomorrow night...all day long, I'm techin' yer photos.*
*I'm a photo lab tech by day, for the time being...
Thursday, November 20, 2008
I pull this move for several reasons. First thing's first, I did it by mistake once because printmaking is hard. I also realized that my writing blown up and backwards was sorta cool-looking. In the same respect, I enjoy that it's my handwriting if the piece is about my experience, in particular. But I've often used typewriter print and other people's writing, little notes they left me and things like that.
Another worthy reason is that there are obvious implications with having something backwards rather than forwards, and having to 'mirror' something (someone) in order to understand or comprehend it. The fact that the writing is unreadable at first, but that there is a way to discover things later, is a great concept and still doesn't leave my work in a state of undo flashiness. It eludes, and quite frankly that seems to be a part of my personality, as well.
So anyway, if you have the need, you can click on the pics to the larger size and throw up a mirror. You may get more than you bargained for however, as my handwriting is more of a scrawl, rather than anything remotely legible.
The third piece 'Loaded', of my current series is almost complete. It should be up by this weekend. This one in particular does not contain any backwards writing. Deduce what you may.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
I can't enough of magenta. For real. I've noticed a very distinct pallette change in my work in the last month or so. It's kind of exciting because it's brighter now. I only want magenta, and orange, and gold, and aqua. No green, I'm over it! I feel the need for more bright, luscious, colors in my pieces at this point. I want colors that are bursting. I'm still loving my red, but it's a brighter, lighter, red now.
The best thing about my habitual depression is that I always can't freaking wait to paint. It's like a really satisfying itch. It's why I'm always hesitant to seek professional (mental) help...I think I'll 'lose' the ability to paint, and think as I do. Which truthfully, is a huge deal for me. But I always go back to that old saying, 'it's about the journey, not the destination', and so then I think about how far I've come, and how bad it could be...and I'm satisfied because I did it FOR myself. And that really makes it all cyclical, and means that I do use my art for the purpose of healing. I found a way when I hadn't another available.
So I think that's cool, and I'm kind of proud that I can channel emotion into things, and make that/them/myself productive. Score one for emotional me! That part of me....'she' is really, really, good to me in that way. She's always taking one for the team, so to speak. I should remember to watch over her more, as she's so sensitive, and shy, and young. Perhaps it was she, who changed my pallette on me then? Twinky...she's always been so precocious!*
*Twinky was the nickname my mother had for me.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
I like the way this turned out...no found objects in this because there's a lot going on already. However I did include found papers, as in the last piece from this series.
This one has layers, meaning-wise...I tend to enjoy that immensely. An artist I just 'met' said that my work was disturbing. When pressed, he said that my work throws out that kind of a vibe, but that it probably means can I handle disturbing things better than most. I'm thinking he's super smart, and that I'll go with that line of reasoning from now on...painting makes my brain healthy. My brain's still kinda sad and broken, but yes, things are slightly easier to deal with now.
images copyright Shana R. Goetsch
Monday, November 17, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
In the meantime I have started the third installment of my series, 'Deer Hart (Dear Heart)'. This one has no catchy subtitle yet. It'll find itself soon enough though. I have to wait for the content to dictate the title (or in this case, the subtitle), and that's never completely planned out. I have that habit of grabbing things that have been laying on my floor, and stepped on, and kicked around for months. That always shakes things up for me. But it is curious...I often wonder how exactly I have all this potential art just laying around. Where did it come from, exactly? Why is it on my floor? And I suppose, what's not on my floor that I couldn't find and use? That solves that.
Mysteriously, I have what I need when I need it. And that little ditty, I should remember to see if I can apply to other situations in my life...
So yeah, working on the third piece, and severely running out of storage space. I'll have to think of something more clever for the found objects pieces. Everything is irregular and unstackable. I don't even want to think about moving right now...too late *faints*
Saturday, November 15, 2008
I am almost finished with my second piece in this series, which will be subtitled, 'Bloodsport'. I think it's fitting given the 'characters' that I used in this one. I just need to do a bit of tweaking, some gluing and we're good to go, folks.
your updated, blurry, photo of the floor/studio:
Friday, November 14, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
’The Cocktail Party’
T.S. Eliot. an excerpt.
"We die to each other daily. What we know of other people is only our memory of the moments during which we knew them. And they have changed since then. To pretend that they and we are the same is a useful and convenient social convention which must sometimes be broken. We must also remember that at every meeting we are meeting a stranger."
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Here's one of mine:
As a side note, I quite enjoy drinking in the afternoons, for some odd reason.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Here come the peer reviews:
1.I find your work very expressive with it's usage of colors and the modeling of the layers of color and the background! To keep 50 images fresh is quite the feat. Your color repetition makes this suite read not only individually, but wholly. Beautiful.
2.Every piece has its own feel, whether it's because of color choices, expression in marks, etc. there is a certain uneasiness I get when looking at all of these pieces as a whole. I don't know if it's the chaotic vibe running through these pieces or what-whatever the case I was moved.
3.You have definitely gotten 'divinity' across in this suite. The centering of the 'winged creatures' on each piece of paper, and the immense amount of this type of repeated image. I enjoy the various versions you have come up with. There is wonderful movement in all of these pieces.
4.The ambiguity of each figure, repeated 50 times over, and that the figure is female (I assume) seems to be more overwhelming than spiritual feeling. The work seems to be related to elevating the female form to an iconic image.
and the professor, Anne Miotke: Individually, I partly feel that these are not mystical beings, but rather temptresses, as evidenced by the sensual poses, emphasis on the groin, etc. So it is interesting that as a group they are one thing, and individually they vary.
*sigh* I really loved her classes.
A few more, and how I ended up mounting them:
(p.s. bad photos, I know. It was way before I had the digital though)
Big ups to antiques and "China Museum", yo. How they got a hold of my press release (which I wrote myself, thank you), I will never know. Also, I seem to have been put in their religious section of art news...?!? (scroll down) Truthfully, I've always been a bit touchy about people thinking my work is solely religious in nature. This however, rules. I am there (awesomely) right next to the Jesus orgy. The internet is funny.
Here is myartspace, and if you click the 'artist profile' button on the left, you can see my random imaged slideshow!
Again, good times.
Monday, November 10, 2008
My mother once told me, that she knew where I had been all day as a child by finding the color/writing tool I had used that day, and following the marks I had made aaaall over the house. I was a very intent graffiti artist at the time. For real. So much so, that before she repainted my bedroom she let me draw on the walls. She was super awesome in that respect, let me color on the walls because she knew I couldn't not.
So my theory is that the painting is just IN me and natural. I will be creating something at any point in time throughout my whole life. I figure I can sell some of it....is that selling out? I have no idea, but I also have no dreams of grandeur in this regard. And what, am I gonna save everything I've ever made? Good Lord.
I just think it would be wicked awesome if I could pay rent, at least. Is that too much to ask of my art? Probably, but I'm gonna try it anyway. I've devised this plan where I have two (or more) separate series' going on at once. Maybe one of them will be able to sell. The real gutsy work won't ever sell, I know that. Too bad there isn't more of a market for bloody feminist paintings.....well, there should be.
So anyway, I am throwing myself to the wolves just to see if I could eventually make rent every month, or any money at all. Okay, let's just start with 'any money'. Good then.
Also I am going to be looking into grad school OUT OF STATE, thank you very much. I can experience something new for two years, at the very least. The propect of this is so enticing, something new. I am localizing my search to Tennesse and Kentucky and also Texas. I worked it out with vag a couple of nights ago. Down south y'all.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Well, I finished my first piece in this series, Golden. I actually used that technique with the paper bits on some random circular shapes about a month ago. Who knew that would show up, and when?! That's the joy of painting for me, unexpected surprises abound. It's interesting, because I had thought the paper bits looked like tile originally, but on this they look like stained glass. Excellent. I might make this baby into an altar piece (I still haven't attached the back wooden part yet either). But I think the wooden 'arms' that are created by the chair shape, and the imitation stained glass create a very religious/spiritual energy to the piece.
I enjoyed making it so much, more than I should have given the content. And to an extent I am revisiting some of my previous mediums and techniques on these pieces. But I'm really feeling this way of working for right now, so I'm gonna go with it.
I was also thinking a lot about totems in this piece, as the bodies/parts are segregated and laid one on top of another, vertically. I think it's an interesting effect that I might want to explore further with these pieces. Especially since I have an animal subject matter, totems seem like a very appropriate option for a format. I had been talking my friend D about totems for a few months now...and animals, so that it was a natural, unconscious, transition for me. Thanks for that yo!
I'm glad that everything is coagulating in my head from months and years back. It's had the effect of making me creatively, energetic lately, and I'm actually excited rather than worried about this series. Excellent.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Today it's all about my mom.
Mother, where are you?
I looked for you, but you were gone.
Mother, who are you?
I just listened to your favorite song.
Mother, where are you?
I feel like I do not belong.
Mother, who are you?
I haven't known you in so very long.
Shana R. Goetsch 2000
I'm going to start a new 'Mom Painting'. Probably today, since it feels like a fresh wound every autumn, come November. The painting/found object piece 'Golden' is finished and drying. And everything is right on schedule.
Friday, November 7, 2008
2.Ghost of a Texas Ladies' Man - Concrete Blonde
3.Love Lockdown - Kanye West
4.She's Lost Control - Joy Division
5.Ghost Wiring - Neko Case
6.Favorite - Neko Case
7. 9 Crimes - Damien Rice
8.Machine Gun - Portishead
9.Heard it Through the Grapevine - CCR
10.Joy - Jah Roots
Later I will be going to the opening deal at Art Bar in Riverwest. My friend and I will see if my stuff made it up on the wall for the first night of the 'mini' exhibit. (There are tons of artists in this) Meh. There will be drinks there to calm my possible rejection. Should be an okay day. A relaxing one, even.
Here's a peek at what my floor looks like today:
Thursday, November 6, 2008
So I was doing a mental run-through of what I basically needed and what I had in my apartment, and I had this thought of the chair top. Well I wasted NO time, I scurried, and dug, and made jubilant noises. Junk makes me that excited y'all. So, I would have to say the first in my series, Deer hart (Dear heart) is now eighty percent complete....!!! Okay, back to work, but I just love it when a bit of magic comes into play when I'm painting. I swear, it's the only arena in which I am allowed to be this lucky.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
she is so cool.
Watch You Slip Away
There have been a lot of paintings that I have done based around the loss of my mother. The first, 'She' was made when I was 19. It took me five years to process that event, you see. When I was 25 and in art school I did the found objects piece, 'Watch You Slip Away' which my father bought. I often wonder if he knew what he really bought and what that meant. By the time I was 30 I had made one of my favorite not-ever-for-sale paintings, 'Requiem'. That one, as with the others, helped me. She isn't here you see, and she isn't ever coming back. She's not 'on vacation' like I told myself in high school in order to survive it. I understand these things now, I really do. I know because the empty never fills back up in some situations. I just still long for her sometimes; for a person I lost 19 years ago, for a person I don't even know anymore. It's an odd concept, but I think I paint her because it makes her a part of my experience, forever.
I am on the precipice of another major lamentation. The new series will allow me to cover any and every situation where I have lost someone, quite easily. I can ride that broken heart metaphor out as long as it goes....and I will. I think that there is something in me that is so terrified of those moments of loss. When one is empty of a person rather than full, and how quickly that can occur.
So I guess, I can keep people forever this way, because they have to go through me again in order to get out creatively; a transformation, a resurrection. I have to experience them again. They fill me up, and then I lose them (as always) to the paper. But in this small way, they will be a part of me forever. It means they will have lived inside me at some point. I guess for that, I should be grateful...and that will have to be enough.
All work copyright Shana R. Goetsch.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
The prophetic paintings, it's been a life-long adventure. Well, it's just difficult to have something 'come to you' later like a bolt of lightening (or a smack in the face), when you've been, by all accounts, just painting. Then you realize, with horror, that you are possibly highly intuitive and the medium this likes to reinforce itself with is art. Then you naturally think you are sorta like that psychic painter on the T.V. show Heroes, and then you remember that he was a drug addict and that he died like, right away. There goes that idea. Anyway, these are the pieces loosely based on The Highwayman that were mentioned in the post with the tarot cards further down in the blog somewhere.
If you would like to read the poem by Alfred Noyes, you can find it here.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Who will remember me if I don't paint? Who will remember that I was even in the world painting? I guess it's a part of the ferocity with which I produce lately, I'm facing my own mortality.
Memories fade at some point, and time removes details. So I'm leaving my mark for the world now. Right here, right now.
Of Life 3/8, Of Life 1/8, Of life 5/8 Shana R. Goetsch 2008